Mormons On The T (The Fucking T - Part 2)

On my frequent commutes between school and home, I have run into many interesting, some scary, and mostly annoying people. But there is one particular brand of people that stands above and beyond the others when it comes to pushing my buttons. The Mormons.

Like stormtroopers they enter the train at the Harvard T stop and bug the shit out of people until the end of the line. It seems they choose this time to bug people because the cars of the train are actually clear enough to bother the greatest amount of people in the littlest amount of time. Or perhaps they think the people who get off on the last 3 stops of the red line are the type of easily manipulated, weak willed people who would actually believe the hype.

Now, I have no problem with people choosing a faith. Hell, believe in whatever you want. Just don't try to push it on me. Ever. Especially on my commute home when I have been at school all day listening to boring people talk. The last thing I want to hear at the end of the day is that Jesus is my savior, he died for my sins, and that he is gonna come back and burn me alive for not believing he exists. On top of that, the Mormons expect me to believe that some guy in the 1800's who said he was touched by god is the person I should dedicate my life to following the word of. Anyone who says they have been touched by god was either insane, on acid, or high fived Paul Van Dyk.

The Mormons are an aggressive species. Where other religious advocates would simply hold a sign outside of a rock concert telling me I'm going to hell for worshipping the Red Hot Chili Peppers, the Mormons take a different approach. They walk up to you in suits, looking like the Agents in "The Matrix", with their name tags carefully pinned on their chest. And they always have names like Samuel, Christopher, Joseph, Jehovah....Etc. And it doesn't matter what you are doing, these bastards will bug you with their favorite phrase..."Can I talk to you about Jesus?"

Well, after being asked 9 times if I can be told about Jesus, each time while I had iPod earphones in my ears or a newspaper in front of my face, I could not take it anymore. I can;t stand being bothered when it is obvious that I am trying to mind my own business and block out everyone else. Agent Joseph walked up to me, leather bound book in hand, and moved his lips. I couldn't hear him. I had my music blasting in my ears for this specific reason. But Agent Joseph is no quitter. He has the power of "god" in him and he isn't going to give up. He buys into the "If at first you don't succeed, try try again" theory. My theory is "if at first you don't succeed, get the fuck out of my face!"

Not Agent Joseph. He sat there, staring at me, moving his lips in the same motions...three times. I took my earphones out and yelled "I don't want to hear about Jesus again, leave me the fuck alone!" I wanted more of a reaction from him; for him to be bothered as much as I had been bothered by he and his other Agents. But he said calmly "have a good day" and walked off.

I don't feel bad one bit, and apparently, other people must feel the same way I do because he took my response as if he had heard it 100 times already that day. He probably had.