Terror Alerts From Around The Globe

Be aware that the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from RUN to HIDE. The only two higher levels in France are 'Surrender' and 'Collaborate'. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing their military capability.

It's not only the French that are on a heightened level of alert, The Italians have increased their alert level from "shout loudly and excitedly" to "elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain, "ineffective combat operations" and "change sides".

The Germans also increased their alert state from "disdainful arrogance" to "dress in uniform and sing marching songs". They have two higher levels,"invade a neighbor" and "lose".

Seeing this reaction in continental Europe the Americans have gone from "isolationism" to "find somewhere else in the Middle East ripe for regime change". Their remaining higher alert states are "take on the world" and "ask the British for help".

In the UK they have gone from "pretend nothing's happening" to "make another cup of tea".

What about the Russians? They moved from "get drunk" to "get drunk". All that remains for them is "get drunk and revolt".

And in Canada, the alert level has been raised from "smile politely" to "smile politely and welcome with open arms". The next two levels are "offer beer and bacon" and the highest level, "pretend to be American".