Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.

-Sydney J. Harris

Pain

I never knew what pain really was until a couple of months ago. I made a very difficult decision under the pressures of stress and anger, and in the end, I blinded myself from how I really felt deep inside. I buried my real fealings under all of my external pressures. And I made a decision that at the time felt good. In the end, I don't think it was a good decision.

You see, so soon after my decision, I found out how much damage had been done. And I felt like it was too late to take it back, too late to change what had happened, too late to decide the opposite way and make myself happy, but more importantly, to let someone I care deeply for know how I truly felt. Blinding myself to my own feelings, I had shut someone very close to me out of my life.

That is when I learned the meaning of regret, and how incredibly painful it can be. I have felt tons of physical pain in my life, but nothing caused by injury has ever felt as painful as the pain regret brings. Regret eats away at your mind, body, and soul. It is three pains all at the same time.

It physically cripples you. I haven't been able to sleep properly. My body feels deteriorated. I feel jittery all the time. My stomach is always unsettled. I see it in my face when I look in the mirror. I feel it in my body when I'm sitting down in class, and when I lie down to sleep at night.

It picks at your mind at all hours of the day. I go to sleep thinking about it and wondering what would be if I had done something different. I wake up with the same thoughts, blasting through my mind the second I open my eyes, and even before I open them when I keep them shut because I just don't want to face another day crippled by all of the emotions I have trapped inside of me.

Regret kills your soul. If your soul is a bright light, regret casts a shadow on top of it, dimming it. Regret draws at your spirit, and you find that joy and happiness arent as forthcoming as they used to be. They become rare instances, flashes that quickly fade the way regret makes your soul fade.

Yes, I truly believe that regret is the deepest pain that anyone can feel. If something hurts more than regret, I have yet to experience it, and I hope that I never do.